Sleep

What is it? I think I've been a mom so long that sleep is merely a distant memory. Last night was a night when as soon as I evicted one little person from my bed, another arrived. I evicted the baby twice and Katherine twice. I'm not sure what the deal was, but I hope it doesn't happen again tonight. So today, I will function in zombie mode. Every mother knows what zombie mode is. It's fulfilling your motherly duties in a state of intense sleep deprivation and sucking down as much caffeine (or coffee) as you can in order to function until you can flop down on your bed in complete exhaustion. Hmmm, I think I must be in zombie mode a lot!

The sabbath: A day of rest

The phrase must have been coined by someone without children. I'm not sure I remember the last time the sabbath felt like a day of rest for me. In fact, I think I'm more exhausted after Sunday than any other day of the week. It definitely prepares me for the week in the sense that I'm ready for Monday if that means I don't have to do Sunday again for another week. Merely getting out the door for church is something that requires advanced planning and coordination and must be executed with precision. We have church at 9a.m. My sister asked me what time I have to get up to get seven people to church on time. The answer is 6:30. I get up earlier on Sunday than I do the rest of the week.

Sunday consists of meetings, and entertaining children in meetings is exhausting. Keeping five children 8 and under quiet and still during Sacrament meeting is a daunting task. There's a great deal of hall wandering, shushing, and please don't kick the bench in front of us, required. Then after the three hour block, I get the opportunity to stay after to play for the choir. (Can you really call two altos, one soprano and a bass a choir?) Meanwhile, my dear husband gets to take the kids home and wrangle them through lunch. (Serves him right since I get to do it the rest of the week!) Then we either have "nap time", which is more or less a joke anymore, make dinner, or rush off to Grandma's house for dinner. Grandma's house is actually a really good thing on Sunday. It gives the kids something to do on a day when I won't let them play with their friends. I get a little break and gear up for next week.

While the sabbath isn't a day of physical rest for me, it is a day of spiritual rest. And that's what it's all about. I may only get a smidgen between the hall walking and the restless children. But it's there and it's where I'm supposed to be. So while I may complain about how hard it is, you'll find us at church every week, noisy children and all!

My teenage daughter

She sleeps as late as she can on weekends, ususally somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 a.m. She rolls her eyes and has a major attitude. She is into earrings, fingernail polish and clothes. If asked to do something, she either does it sweetly or stomps around and acts as though I've just killed her. She has quite the social life and is on the phone with her friends daily. But wait...she's only six. I have some fun years ahead of me don't I?

The perfect house

Our first home was a split level home and the only bathrooms were on the top level. It was kind of awkward when we had company because my bedrooms weren't always clean and the guest bathroom was also the kids bathroom and was located right by the bedrooms. So I thought that the perfect house would have a half bath on the main floor. Well, now that we are in a new home (which I love by the way) and we have a half bath on the main floor (which I also love), I've decided that when you have small children, the perfect house would have two half baths on the main floor. One for the children and one for guests. My bathroom is always in a state of disarray. It doesn't matter if I cleaned it ten minutes ago or a week ago. There is soap all over the counter, the towel is wadded up on the counter, Katherine's potty chair is in the middle of the floor, there is toilet paper scattered about and hand smudges on walls and light switches. Any guest at my house would be appalled. I try really hard to keep it clean, but they are faster at messing it up than I am at cleaning! So the perfect house would have two half baths on the main floor!!

The pinky promise

Somehow, the pinky promise has become a binding thing in my house. I think it was introduced by Lillie and Katherine grabbed hold of the idea. Now everything is done by pinky promises. Katherine is newly potty trained and when I made her go to the bathroom yesterday and she couldn't go I said to her, "I just don't want you to have an accident." To which she replied, "I won't. I pinky promise" and held her little pinky in the air. Later I told her to quit picking her nose and go get a tissue (I know, I'm such a mean mother) and she ignored me. So I swatted her tushie a little and told her to go get a tissue. She continued to ignore me, so I swatted a tad harder and she finally went to get a tissue. After finally blowing her nose, she walked towards me with her pinky in the air, "You not spank my bum again. Pinky promise!" I nearly died laughing! I told her I wouldn't pinky promise, but that I love her tons! Oh the power of the pinky promise!

How to torture your children

1. Make dinner~It's inevitable that someone won't like it and will spend the next hour languishing over the disgusting dinner you have forced on them.
2. Make them clean up after themselves~This has proved successful for many parents as is evident by the crying, sighing and dragging of feet.
3. Tell children to be quiet because the baby is sleeping~This method, while unsuccessful for baby, proves to be torturous for small children who are physically unable to keep the noise level below 10 decibles.
4. Make children clean their rooms, not just shove stuff under their bed~This method may keep them busy for hours with a great deal of crying. If they put all their stuff away, it can take hours
5. Make them go brush their teeth after the cartoons have already started~Ah the sadness that ensues. And yet they still haven't learned to get completely ready for bed before coming downstairs
6. Make children fold and *gasp* put away their own laundry~What kind of parent am I? Oh, the horrors!
7. Take away favorite gaming system after bad behavior~The lamenting can be heard for miles!

There are many ways we parents can torture our children. These are just a few ideas that I have found wildly successful. I'm sure that I will think of more as they continue to grow up. I hope I have been able to share some torture methods that may be useful.

The human vacuum cleaner

Odessa has entered the babyhood phase of the human vacuum cleaner. You can put her down on the floor and guarantee that if there is anything on the floor, no matter the size, she will find it and immediately put it in her mouth. Even if it is disgusting, she'll just chew on it for a while. I'll eventually notice, dig whatever it is out of her mouth and try not to gag when I see what it is. They say that baby's learn about the world via the mouth, as well as their other senses. I have to wonder what it is they learn via the mouth. That the world tastes kinda icky? Or that if we are sneaky, we can shove all kinds of crap in there and mom might notice eventually. Who needs to start solids slowly to test for allergies when they put all kind of other things in their mouth they are more likely to be allergic to than solid foods? Ah, the joys of motherhood.