The wet wipe fiend

Step one: Locate wet wipes




Step two: Begin to unload wet wipes


Step three: Go faster before mom catches you!










This is the wet wipe fiend. She will find the wet wipes, even if you hide them. She has gotten them off the table, out of the laundry room and out from behind the couch. She moves at the speed of light and if you catch her in the act, there's no remorse. Just lots of grinning and trying to see how many more she can pull out before I can get to her. It's lucky for her that she's cute. Otherwise, I'd have to ground her. I've even caught her on top of the table, pulling out the wet wipes as fast as she can. I'm not sure what the intrigue is, but she sure enjoys this little game!!

High pitched noises and other observations

My sweet baby girl has learned to make a not so sweet noise. It's this grating, high pitched screech. She makes this lovely sound when she plays, when she's mad, when she's dancing. She just does it continuously. It's lovely, let me tell ya. We are all begging her to stop. The worst is when she does it in church. Nothing like bringing immediate attention to your family.

This noise reminded me of another child who made a similar high pitched screeching noise during my growing up years that I still have nightmares about. (Love ya Lori!!) Yes, my sweet little sister would make this amazingly high pitched noise. I think she and Odessa knew each other in another life. And Lori, loving me like only a sister can, made this lovely noise just to grate on my nerves. It drove me buggy, and she loved it!! (Or so I perceived!) I think she also made this sound at our psycho cat, Muffin. (Ah, now there are some stories! That cat was a nut case!) I truly have never heard anything quite like it, until today. And so it seems that things that drove me nuts in childhood are going to drive me nuts in adulthood as well. Patience is a virtue, right?

Other observations

I determined that my nine year old son should at least understand the workings of a diaper. Seeing as how he proclaimed to me the other day, "But what if she poops or something?" when I left him for fifteen minutes to make a milk run. So I set out to teach him how to diaper Odessa.

After Odessa's bath last night, I made Andrew get a diaper and I showed him how to put the diaper on, then I left him to it. It was funny to watch Odessa, amused that her brother was attempting to diaper her, smirk at her brother and then proceed to squirm. After a couple of minutes and finally getting the diaper on her, I handed him her pants and told him to get her dressed. He got one foot in and then she began to kick her other leg so he couldn't get it in the other hole. Andrew finally said, exasperated, "This would be so much easier if she would just hold still!" Yes, my son, it would be!

I laughed to myself and remembered not too long ago, when he was the squirmy baby and his uncle, just about his age now, attempted to dress him and proclaimed much the same thing! Such is the cirlce of life!

"So, mom, I have a joke for ya!"

That's what Michael informed me while I was doing his hair for school this morning.

"Oh, yeah. What's your joke?" I said. I prepared myself for a really dumb kid joke. Then he told me that he even made it up himself. Uh-oh.

"So, mom, I had another bad dream last night." Long pause. I took the hint.

"What was your bad dream about?"

"It was about you waking me up?" Teehee, giggle, giggle, giggle.

I must admit, it made me laugh. He has a great sense of humor. He wasn't too happy when I woke him up this morning and even informed me he was still sleeping. The great thing about Michael is that he turned something he wasn't happy about into a joke! What a great kid!

Homework

I wasn't a big fan of homework as a kid, and I'm even less so as an adult. I think homework is code for 'busy work so I feel I've done my job as a teacher.' I mean seriously. Some of these assignments are anything but educational.

Andrew brought home a worksheet earlier this week that had a crossword puzzle on it. It had the usual clues on it, but it didn't have any word possibilities like most of his others had. And so we spent twenty minutes trying to figure out the clues before I finally gave up and got online. I found a website that you could type in the crossword puzzle clues, how many letters and then it gave possible answers. I don't even feel bad about it. What was he supposed to learn from a crossword puzzle that his mother couldn't even solve without the aid of the internet? It's just busy work, in my opinion.

Then last night, he brought home spelling words and was whining about having to write sentences. He hates writing sentences. So I go and look at his list and his words are all months of the year and days of the week. Now if the point of writing sentences is so the kids understand the meaning of the words, then that was just busy work. What fourth grader doesn't know what Monday means?

But I think my favorite of the week is the project Lillie brought home. They are doing a unit on plants. Fabulous. But she/I have to do a project. The project paper consisted of several ideas and the kids had to pick one. Well the one Lillie picked, and I can't say I blame her, was a vegetable sculpture. Now please explain to me what carving a vegetable is going to teach her? Other than taking a lot of time, I don't find that terribly valuable when it comes to her education. Fun, yes, educational, not so much.

One of the major disadvantages of having so many children is that I get to do each grade times the number of children I have. The only time I have a problem with this is when they/I have to do homework. Stupid homework!! And here I thought I was done with school long ago. Silly me!

On my mind

Last night, due to nothing on TV, I watched an Oprah that I had taped a couple of days previously. I usually tape Oprah, and then I'll watch a few minutes and if I think it's interesting, I'll watch the whole thing.

This particular episode turned out to be on child predators. I couldn't even watch it. About five minutes into the show, I was in tears. I had to turn it off and I even deleted the episode knowing I would never be able to watch it. But I can't quit thinking about all those innocent children.

I very rarely have a cause or anything that I feel strongly enough to fight for, but this one hit home. So I'm posting a link to Oprah's website which has information on how to contact your senators to pass a bill that will allow more funding to track down these perverts and put them in jail. Please support this bill. Our children are literally our future and we should protect them with everything we have. And hopefully, now that I've shared this I'll quit thinking about it. (Probably just all the hormones!)

Here's a link to write your senators. http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20080911_tows_predators

And here's more info. http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/oprahshow/20080911_tows_predators/1

The dreaded grocery store

I had to go shopping. And I'm not talking like it could be put off for a day or two, I'm talking nothing in the cupboards besides cereal. And while the children can subsist on cereal alone, I cannot. So I waited until the most amount of children were in school, and I went to the grocery store. Sadly, this means I still had Katherine and Odessa.

Now it is important to understand that this shopping trip is on the heels of a very long night during which Odessa felt the need to be awake for two hours. So a sleep deprived mom, a one year old and a three year old went to the store. Not a recipe for success.

We walk in and Katherine immediately goes to the cart that the kids can sit in the front and drive. And while it is a fabulous idea, it only works for children who sit still. Still is not in our vocabulary, apparently. So I veto the cart and go for a regular old boring cart, to which there was much gnashing of teeth. The first ten minutes were fine. We survived the produce section, though I quickly discovered that the cart I chose veered the the left. Annoying, but not the end of the world.

By the time we hit the dairy section, Odessa had had enough of this sitting down business, and had decided to stand up in the cart. And she doesn't just stand, she dances, or points or squeals. There is no still in her little body. So I sit her down, for the first of many times and she proceeds to get mad and kick her shoe off. Then she says "uh-oh" until I get her shoe. The rest of our shopping trip consisted of this:

1. Katherine asking me if she can have this, please, please, please, pleeeeaaaassssseeee!
2. Odessa making everyone fear for her life by standing up in the cart.
3. When let down to walk, tearing pricetags off of things or pulling things off shelves, or pushing the cart into things. She's a strong little bugger.
4. Katherne hanging on the cart while doing gymnastic feats.
5. Me holding Odessa while she screams and trying to push cart one handed. Cart veered worse the more that was in it.
6. Odessa being friendly to the other shoppers.
7. Odessa biting Katherine.
8. Katherine screaming.

We did survive, though barely. The shopping part is only half the battle, now I have to put the groceries away. I bought myself some M&M's for a consolation prize, I turned on the TV and I put Odessa down for a nap. It seems to be helping, but unfortunately I still have laundry to do and a house to clean. Calgon....take me away!!!

You have to pick your battles

Those are wise words and ones I have to remember often with Miss Katherine. Katherine started preschool this year, and after a trying two weeks of getting her to school at 9a.m., I begged and pleaded and they switched us to a 10a.m. class. (Actually, I came in 15 minutes late, disheveled, in my pj's and said, "This isn't working!!" I think they believed me!) Ten is much better, but we still struggle some mornings.

Friday was one of those days. She came down bright and early in her new BYU T-shirt, that, while cute, looks like a dress especially when she wears shorts, which she was. I didn't say anything until it was time to go to school. Let's just say she looked very cute in her T-shirt/dress at school. It was obviously not a battle that was worth fighting, and so I chose not to. I did win the war over doing her hair, though. So at least she didn't look like a total orphan!

About a month ago, I bought Katherine a new princess crown. She wore it continuously for several days. On Sunday, after doing her hair, what did she put on? You guessed it, her princess crown. She proudly wore it to church and we got many comments on her beautiful crown. It was yet another battle not worth fighting. And what little girl doesn't want to feel like a princess anyway!?!

So my message of the day is to pick your battles carefully!

The honeymoon is over!

Two days of school and the novelty has officially worn off. Monday and Tuesday the kids were ready a good twenty minutes before the bus came. Today, not so much.

I coerced them through breakfast, which only one of them finished. I sent them to get dressed, brush teeth, and comb hair with only fifteen minutes till bus time. I had to stand in the hallway, knock on doors multiple times, beg and plead, to get them ready for school. Lillie had wardrobe issues, as did Michael. Luckily the boys' hair takes all of two seconds and a little water. Lillie almost got to go to school looking like an orphan child. But alas, we were able to squeeze a braid in at the last second. They raced out to the bus stop, and although they weren't first, they still made it on the bus.(Being first is top priority at my house!)

Homework novelty has also worn off, though that didn't take as long to lose it's appeal. Imagine that! We are now to the begging, pleading and bribing to get homework done stage. It's one of the things I could do without! (Odessa's idea of homework is to chew on books and spit out the cardboard. She learns through osmosis!)

But the novelty has not worn off for mom. I love school. I love my children too, but yay for school! The house is quiet, or relatively so, for a few hours. I may get something done, or I may lay on the couch and hope I don't lose my breakfast. (Oh the joys of pregnancy!)

A broken record

I was a broken record yesterday. So were the children, for that matter. These are the things that came out of my mouth 400 times yesterday. "No, you cannot play the DS. No. No you can't have a Dora sippy. No you can't play with friends. Do your homework. Eat your food. Go play. Yes, please play with friends. Fold your laundry. Do your chores." Now if you multiply each statement by 400, then you will know what I did all day.

It all started innocently enough, but by the end of the day I was ready to strangle various children. Katherine wanted to play Lillie's Nintendo DS. But when she got it out, we discovered it needed to be charged. So I plugged it in and told her she could play it later. This is how it went:

2 minutes later
Katherine: Is it charged yet?
Me:No. It takes a long time. Go play.

1 minute later
Katherine: Is it charged now?
Me: No, Katherine, I said it takes a long time. Now go find something else to do.
Katherine: Oh, ok. Can I have a Dora sippy?
Me: No you already had one.
Katherine: No I didn't.
(Insert dirty look from mom.)
Katherine: Mom, can I play the DS yet?
Me: No. Don't ask me again. You can't play it till after lunch.

30 seconds later
Katherine: Is it after lunch yet?
Me: (While pulling my hair out) No, and if you ask me again, I won't let you play it at all.

2 minutes later
Katherine: (whispering) Can I play it yet?
Me: (much exasperation) No and now you don't get to play it at all today.

Thus ensued many tears, gnashing and whaling of teeth and other trauma. Did it stop her from asking me anymore? No, she asked me all day long.

As other children came home, the pattern continued. Michael asked me forty billion times if he could play with friends. By the end of the day I was begging him to play with friends. I, of course, had to repeat my pleas to Andrew and Lillie to either eat their dinner, do their chores, or finish homework.

I'm hoping today is better. I've hidden the DS from sight and I've started making children repeat things I say to them. It's not really helping, but at least I know they heard me.

"If we're chickens..."

"Then you must be married to a rooster" says Michael the other day. We had just visited the farm and apparently that inspired the above comment. Thus ensued a vigorous conversation about who in the family was a chicken and who was a rooster. It was riveting, let me tell ya.

But I must admit, I'm a weird mom. I call my children chickens. It's true. I also call them variations of turkey-head, monkey-butt, turkey-lurkey and any other possible combination of the above words. I get looks from people whose children are 'sweetheart' and 'darling', but I know they secretly want to join me in calling their children chicken-butt. Because sometimes, they are just chicken-butts!

Since I've admitted my weirdness, I'll confess another. I do weird things with my children. I sing them perverted versions of several songs, I make weird noises at them and with them, I dance goofy. Yeah, I'm just weird. The worst is when I forget not to be weird in public. I figure I just give people a good laugh, but still, sometimes I embarrass myself.

The other day I had Odessa with me at the grocery store. That in and of itself is a trying experience. I was attempting to entertain her so she wouldn't do the whole climb out of the cart thing, so I start spitting. I know, not very lady-like, but she loves it. So we spit at each other for a minute and then I growled at her and she giggled. (At least I call it a growl, it was really more like a possessed person's growl followed by same person's strange laugh.) I look up and see an old man with a look on his face that read something like, "Lady, you are one strange mamma."

I was mildly embarrassed but just ignored him. And although I refrained from anymore weird growling, I did continue to spit with my daughter. I know, I'm weird. But honestly, sometimes a little embarrassment is worth it if it keeps the baby in the cart!

My little entrepreneurs

What is a kid to do when their mean old mom says they can't have yet another lemonade stand. Well, in my house, that is by no means the end of things you can sell. Apparently, my children have caught their father's entrepreneurial spirit. Earlier this summer, Michael collected a baggie full of BB pellets that had been discarded all over our neighborhood park. He quickly took them to the neighbor boy, who he knew to have a BB gun, and sold the pellets to him. They were likely his to begin with!!

But yeserday, after their lemonade efforts were thwarted once again by mean old mom, Lillie and Michael began to color picture after picture. I asked them what they were up to and they informed me that they were going to have a picture stand. I laughed and we went on a walk a little later. They took their pictures and ended up playing with a friend for a while. Their silly mother thought they had forgotten all about their little project. As I was chatting with their friend's mother, they told me they were going to start home. They beat me home, but were giddy by the time I made it home. Michael starts excitedly telling me all the money they made on the way home. Apparently, they went door to door selling their pictures on the way home. They were up bright and early this morning coloring their little hearts out. That'll teach me to say no to a lemonade stand!! Oh, my little entrepreneurs!

Let's play I spy...

I spy a three letter word that starts with the letter S. It's on the front page, but don't strain yourself, it shouldn't be too hard to find. Once you find it, leave me a comment, but don't give it away to others. If it's too hard, I'll post another hint later...Have fun!