Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A day in the life of a busy toddler

6:50 a.m. Begin the day by yelling 'Mom'. It's the perfect time to be the center of attention!

7:00 Oh good, mom is finally coming! Hand her all of my treasures from bed so she can carry me and all my stuff downstairs. If she didn't have that darn belly, I could probably hand her more stuff.

7:10 Follow mommy to the bathroom. Sitting by myself on the couch is so boring.

7:30 Get a sippy and insist on breakfast. If the big kids get a bowl of cereal, I should get one too. And a spoon. Although the spoon falls on the floor a lot.

7:45 Yay! Mom turned on Diego. I can go watch TV. Ooooh, looky. What's that? My sippy! I wondered where that went! Yummy!

7:50 Wait! Where'd mom go? I'd better go track her down in case she is doing something interesting. Oh cool. She's in the bathroom doing the big kids hair. I think I'll help! Yay! The water bottle. I'll suck on it!

8:00-9:00 Wave goodbye to the kids. Wait. Where'd mom go? Ooooh, a kitty! Oh, Dora's on. My ball, yay! Oooh, a kitty! There's Katherine, maybe I'll go hit her just to see if she'll scream. That's always good fun!

9:00-9:30 How'd I lose mom again? I bet she's taking a shower. I'll go help! Oh, good. I found her. Oh, the bathtub. I'll turn on the water and throw things in there. Uh, oh. Now that stuff is all wet. Hmmmm. I'll go get all the stuff on mom's night table and shove it under the door. She loves it when I do that. Cool! Look how fast mom got out of the shower! Wait! My toothbrush! I'll bet I can get her to let me play in the water in Dad's sink while she gets dressed. She takes FOREVER!

9:30-11:00 I wonder how fast I can run! Catch me if you can and just try to get me dressed and change my diaper! I dare you! Oh, and we'll see if I let you get within a foot of my snotty nose! I'd rather have it drip! Run around chasing kitties, hitting sister, occasionally eating breakfast and creating havoc! Oh cool, mom is cleeaning! I think I'll go close all the blinds she just opened! Laundry too? I love to help with the laundry. I bet I can close the dryer faster than she can get stuff in it! What a fun game! Hey, there's my sippy!

11:30 Beg for lunch. Feed the cats part of my hot dog. It's so funny!

11:30-1:30 Climb on mom while she's on the computer. Try to touch buttons before mom stops me! Follow siblings, all the while keeping Mom in view. She's a tricky one!

1:30 Darn it! I have to go take a nap. Give mom my blankie, rabbit, sippy and ball to take to bed! Now insist she carry everything upstairs!

3:30 Man! I was tired! Oooh, my ball. Holler for mom, she'll come get me!

3:30-5:30 Snack time and play outside time. C'mon mom, please!!! If mom won't go outside with me, I'll start begging siblings. Andrew's usually a good bet! If I can't get anyone to take me, I'll insist on wearing my shoes and coat around the house for sympathy. Oooh a kitty!

5:30 Cry non-stop until mom feeds me. Hmmm, I wonder what this food is. Nope. No good. Chuck unwanted food on the floor. I wonder why I'm still hungry?

6:00-9:00p.m. Mom looks tired. I think I'll go sit by her on the couch. I wonder why she keeps telling me to go play? She looks lonely, I'm just keeping her company! Oooh, a kitty! Oh, my blocks. I think I'll dump them out on the floor! Bring mom some books to read me! That'll relax her! Oh, lets go outside! I'm gonna go bring mom my shoes. I bet she'll take me! No? I don't get her. Maybe if I cry real loud, she'll take me outside. Alright. I guess Andrew will do. What does she mean bed time? I was just getting started! All right then, but I've gotta go find all my stuff. Hand mom my blankie, rabbit, sippy and ball and ask up. Oh, I love mom! Good night. Sing me twinkle little star!! Man, I've got a busy day tomorrow!

Thursday, April 23, 2009


It seems that I spend my life waiting. I should be a pro by now. I wait for payday, and for the mailman. I wait for our tax return and for the kids to get home from school. But somehow, these last few weeks and days of pregnancy seem eternal. Every day is a week, every week is a month. And waiting takes on a whole new meaning.

We are waiting for our little one to make her debut. Tomorrow will be exactly one week from my due date. I could let the doctor pick baby Emily's birthday, but for now we are content to let her pick her own, hopefully. We are both anxious and my husband's calls from work now include the question, "Are you having any good contractions?" To which I sadly reply, "No."

I've decided that waiting for a baby is a little like waiting for a child to decide to be potty trained. You know deep in your soul that your child won't go to kindergarten in diapers. But you still wonder if your child will be the first that will. Just like you know that baby can't stay in there forever, but when a day feels like a week, you start to wonder!

So for now, I am trying to keep myself doing little projects to keep my mind off of how very pregnant I am. My husband calls it nesting, I call it keeping my sanity. Though, so far my little projects seem to also be torturing my children. (That's how you can tell a good project. By the amount of complaints it illicits from the children who are required to help!)

So I am waiting. Waiting for Miss Emily Claire to decide to come out and play with us. And I wouldn't mind one bit if she came sooner than later!

Monday, April 20, 2009


I've determined, after 9 years of experience, that children's toothpaste should be banished from existence. Or, they need to make a new kind of toothpaste. A toothpaste that isn't sticky, is clear or basically unseen, and it never runs out. Here's how my children use toothpaste.

At the end of a tube, they beg and plead to open the new one because it is SO hard to get the toothpaste out. Granted they try to get toothpaste out for 1.2 seconds, but I do eventually let them open the new tube. For the next week there is toothpaste everywhere. It's all over the new tube, all over the counter, on the floor, on the cabinet, on shirts. You get the idea. But, they can get it out. Then, the toothpaste will get a little low and Katherine will start bringing it to me to have me put the toothpaste on her toothbrush. I think she just doesn't want to touch the tube anymore. Because at this point, it's sticky and usually covered with a hair or two.

Over the course of the next week, the toothpaste gets progressively lower. (I've often wondered how long a tube would last them if they weren't spastic little people.) Soon they are back to each bringing me the toothpaste and claiming they can't get any out and informing me that I need to buy more. Of course, I'm the one now having to wash my hands every time I help them with it. I've showed them many times the art of getting out the toothpaste when it's low, but they refuse.

Right now we are in the toothpaste all over everything phase. I think they opened a new tube sometime last week. Oh, and the other problem is, it's not cheap! Their toothpaste costs at least as much as mine and is about half the size! There needs to be some major research done on children's toothpaste and some serious revamping done!! I mean really, what parent would ok a bright blue toothpaste for small children? (Your choices at the store are bright blue or pink.)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Stupid customer non-service representatives!

You really shouldn't ask a pregnant lady to discuss matters of importance with the morons in the various "customer service" departments. It's just not nice! Unfortunately, the last two days has required this particular chore. It hasn't been pretty!

The first phone call seemed simple enough. Contact mortgage company to acquire a fax number. Easy peasy! Right? Wrong! The first number I called was the pay-by-phone number and fully automated. Obviously wrong. So I searched high and low for another phone number, and after looking over a few statements, found one. So I dial, listen to the twelve menus, make my choices and am finally put on hold to wait for a representative. I'm not expecting a short wait, mind you, because that would be too convenient. So I put myself on speaker and go about my life. Well, it replays the message a few times, then begins to ring. I think to myself, Wow, today is my lucky day! Then I hear the menu for the pay-by-phone number, which is all automated, that I had previously called. Now that is just irritating! So I hang up, thinking perhaps I got transferred wrongly. I try again. Same thing. Then I curse and I try again. By the third time, I could barely see straight and I decided it wasn't worth the effort. So I spend the next twenty minutes scouring all my paper work and FINALLY come up with a fax number. Stupid automated menu nonsense!!

My next adventure in customer non-service requires me to speak to a company supposedly located in California. Supposedly being the key word. Now the company may be located in California, but the call center either isn't or employs barely English-speaking morons who are provided with the sole purpose of driving one insane! When I get my barely English-speaking friend on the phone, I knew I was in trouble! After attempting to communicate for a few minutes, said non-service representative gets pushy. WARNING: DO NOT GET PUSHY WITH PREGNANT LADY! IT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH! So I not-so-politely informed him that I would discuss the matter with my spouse (silly me) and hung up. Of course this was only after he scoffed at the fact that spouses would actually discuss important decisions! Idiot!

Now by the third phone call, I should have known that it would just be infuriating. But silly, naieve me figured it would be a simple matter to pay my bill. The one time I want a stupid automated system so I can just pay my bill, I get a stupid customer non-service representative. My name is not on the bill, which is apparently a sin. My new friend informed me that she couldn't tell me the balance, and I couldn't find my bill, so I didn't know. So I had to keep throwing numbers out there and ask if I was close. How stupid is that? And since I'm not on the bill and not authorized, even though I was willingly giving them money, I was not allowed to know the actual amount. I nearly tore my hair out! I did finally come up with a number that was apparently in the ballpark and gave said moron money.

The moral of the story is that if you are hormonal, pregnant or just a person, be prepared for the infuriating experience that comes if you EVER have to call customer non-service! I'm talking pull-your-hair out crazy!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Happy Easter fun!

Aren't they cute?

This year, we had easter at home. Many years we've had it with family, but this year we had the whole day at home! The easter bunny in my house merely brings a pile of candy and the kids got a movie. I didn't even bother with baskets this year. How cheap am I? But the kids did get some new duds and they looked oh-so-yummy!! Katherine wanted to wear her dress all week and could hardly wait until Sunday!

After the three hour tour (or rather, our church meetings), I fell into an exhausted stupor. Luckily, the kids happily were killing brain cells in front of the television. I made a ham (Go me!) and we had us a traditional Easter Feast!

Then came the egg coloring. I was grateful when that ordeal was over. Anything that involves dye and small children tends to cause me just a little bit of anxiety. Ok, so a lot of anxiety! And it didn't help that Odessa spent the whole time crying at me and wanting to do it all by herself! She's a helpful child! But now we have some beautiful eggs in the fridge!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

The burned carpet story

I thought I would share, in detail, the events of the morning of Lillie's baptism since I briefly mentioned that we had more than our share of excitement that morning.

We had spent the morning cleaning the main floor in preparation for the company we would have later in the day. All the kids had helped, but because of our emotional states, Lillie and I had been banished to our respective rooms by Dad. Being banished when there's a million things to do doesn't sit well with me and I couldn't lay still. When I heard Lillie get banished(we don't do much grounding at our house) for crying over rinsing the tub before her shower, I knew we were both a little high-strung. After a few minutes, I snuck down the hall(I had already attempted escape a couple of times only to be sent back to my room) and climbed into bed with my daughter. I told her that Daddy had banished me too and we laid under the covers giggling about trying to banish Dad. When we were discovered, there was much giggling by everyone! And to my husband's credit, banishing us did both of our moods good.

By the end of my banishment, the main floor was mostly clean, but I needed to do the kitchen floor. The perfectionist in me HAD to mop! So I made all the kids go upstairs and I proceeded to mop. I was about halfway through when I heard Michael hollering at me. I yelled up at him that I couldn't hear him, to which he continued to holler "Mom" then a bunch of stuff that I couldn't understand. I ultimately yelled that he needed to come out in the hallway so I could hear him. (This was after yelling that I couldn't hear him about 12 times!) Finally, Andrew comes out in the hallway and informs me that Michael dropped the lamp from the turtle cage on the floor and it burned a hole in the carpet. Well, I dropped the mop and ran upstairs as fast as a pregnant lady can run. And sure enough, there was a 1 1/2 inch hole burned in the carpet! I was so mad I couldn't even speak! I made him go to his bed, then retreated to my room to collect myself. You see, they KNOW not to touch the lamp!!

After I calmed down, I found out the whole story. Michael had been sitting on the side of the turtle cage which is just a giant rubbermaid and not made for sitting. So the cage had tipped over and the lamp had landed on the carpet. Apparently, that is what prompted all of the "Mom" yelling that I could never understand. He had righted the cage and was trying to put the lamp back when I walked in. I was still mad, but forgave my sad-faced little boy, sighed a big sigh at the hole in the carpet and went to finish mopping.

After that trauma I figured we had survived the worst. I got a shower, got dressed and got the kids some lunch. They ate in fear of their lives with constant reminders of how clean the kitchen was. I was sitting at the table, trying to take deep breathes and finishing my lunch when I noticed Katherine laying over the arm of the couch playing with a toy. I noticed her feet were precariously close to the large floor lamp next to the couch, but it was as if everything was in slow motion. I started to tell her to move over just as she kicked her legs out and sent the lamp crashing to the floor. It shattered into a million pieces and I stood there staring at the disaster. She immediately starts crying and repeating over and over "I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry!" I started to cry. I couldn't help it. I still had much to do, and sweeping and vacuuming again was not on that list! The lamp hadn't just shattered onto the tile, but on the carpet in two rooms as well as down the hallway. It was an utter disaster.

The boys came and gave me a hug, at which point I collected myself, banished all children to a 'safe zone' so nobody would step on glass, and proceeded to clean up the mess. Dave was out running an errand, so it was up to me to be the adult!! Sometimes it just sucks being the grownup! I hugged Katherine, who was still crying that she was sorry, and let her know I wasn't mad at her. I knew it was an accident. And somehow, we got everything cleaned up and we even made it to the church on time. I think it was a miracle!

So there you have the drama behind our lovely day, which really was lovely albeit a little disastrous in the meantime! Life with children is NEVER boring!!

Monday, April 6, 2009

I know I'm pregnant but...

C'mon! Isn't ANYBODY else hot? I mean really. My body temperature can't be THAT far off from normal. Can it? Oh, and those crazy-lady emotions that are always being made fun of on television? Yeah, those have definitely set in. I called my husband last week to ask what time he was coming home and ended up sobbing about my crappy day, while apologizing all at the same time. Talk about unstable!

I was told by my first ever OB that the reason pregnancy lasts for nine months (which is really closer to ten since it's counted by 40 weeks, but don't tell pregnant women that), is so that we are willing to do WHATEVER it takes to GET IT OUT!!! And boy howdy, is that ever true! Labor, HERE I COME! I am now at the point that I can't decide which is worse, having a newborn or still being pregnant. It's a tossup.

Plus I'm now getting the stares and sympathy from strangers and the, "Oh, how much longer do you have? You have to be close!" commentary. Depending on my mood, I either want to smack them silly for asking or fall into a crying, exhausted heap and proceed to cry on their shoulder. There's not much in between. It's kind of sad.

I think my husband and children are ready for me to have the baby so they don't have to deal with psycho-mom anymore. Unstable, crazy, psycho-mom who may just start crying if you are mean. Either that or she'll go postal on you and there's no notice for either behavior.

And SERIOUSLY, isn't ANYBODY else hot?!?!?

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Lillie's birthday etc.

We had quite the week last week and this mommy was pooped! Lillie turned 8 and we had a three day birthday event! On her birthday, Thursday, we had our family shindig. She got new scriptures and lots of jewelry from us. Then, Friday, we had her big party with her friends. Imagine 9 giggling girls doing nails, making body glitter and doing facials! Fun was had by all, but I'm glad it's over! Then on Saturday, my beautiful girl was baptized.


My beautiful kids!

Miscellaneous items:
After everyone left Saturday afternoon, I sat in an exhausted stooper on the couch; a happy, exhausted stooper. It had been a whirlwind of events, but everything had gone well. (Despite the broken lamp and the hole that was burned into the carpet in the boys room. But that's another post.) I'm not sure I moved off the couch for the rest of the day. Sunday, I managed to go to church and teach my class, but spent the remainder of the day trying not to move. Now Monday came, and with it came a three hour marathon spent at Firestone. You see, last week, amidst the chaos, it became painfully obvious that the brakes were done for. So I sucked it up, and took the car in. The sad thing is, I still think the alignment is off, but I can't bring myself to take it back in. I'm not ready for another car marathon. Then yesterday, my body kindly informed me that it was all too much, and I spent the day on the couch. And as I sit here this morning contemplating the things I should do today, I am aware of the cruel April Fool's joke nature is playing as I watch large flakes drop from the heavens. I'm painfully unmotivated and wondering how many days the kids will go before they stage a coup because of my lack of grocery shopping. I guess we'll find out!