I love that I am able to be home with our children. I love that I don't have to work and that I am the one responsible for our children's care. It is a blessing and I will never deny that.
There is, however, a downside to being a SAHM. There's this thing that happens called guilt. I get tired of the constant-ness that is my life. The laundry is always there, the toys always need to be cleaned up. No matter how sparkly clean I can get my house, I can guarantee it will all be undone tomorrow. And every once in a while I have a day like today when I just don't want to.
Don't want to what?
I don't want to do any of it. I want to watch TV all day and eat bon bons, by golly!
That's where the guilt creeps in. There's this nagging in the back of my mind. I keep thinking how I haven't done ANYTHING today. I'm so lazy! I start itemizing all the projects that I've left undone. My bedroom is a mess. You can't walk through the basement without breaking a leg.
As I was contemplating my "lazy" day and all the things I haven't done, I decided to figure out what I've actually accomplished today.
1. Got the older kids off to school
2. Ran 4 1/2 miles
3. Did 1 load of laundry
4. Swept the floor
5. Took out the trash
6. Fed children
7. Got a shower
8. Put breakfast away
9. Changed diapers and dressed the little girls, although I've yet to fix anyone's hair
But then I *gasp* did "nothing"! I watched the news while playing on the computer. And I'm currently contemplating having chicken pot pies for dinner from the freezer. No, not the homemade kind. And guess what, it's OK. The cops aren't going to bust me for being a bad mom because I didn't complete my to-do list. And I've learned from experience that the bedroom and basement will still be there tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that.
My post today ends with a question. Where does this pressure come from to "do it all"? At my house, it doesn't come from my husband or my mother or anyone else, for that matter. And yet I feel it. It taunts me.
6 comments:
Awesome post. I feel the exact same way. Every day it is a struggle. I feel like my house should be spotless. Some days I just don't want to do anything though and looking back on it, I had days when I worked where I didn't do anything or I slacked too.
Ok. So I knew we were somehow connected but now I know we were separated at birth. Were you reading my mind today? I do not strive to have a perfect house. I strive to have everyone eat more or less healthily, have whatever pesky paperwork the school is demanding I sign with them on the right day, have clean clothes and a vague semblance of order on the paperwork front. Oh. And I wouldn't want anyone to expire from salmonella so a certain level of hygiene is required. But this evening I wanted to weep when I looked at the floor which had been vacuumed and mopped just hours before turn into a collection of discarded shoes, school bags, half-finished works of art and crumbs. Where do all the crumbs come from? They didn't even eat anything with crumbs? And still they come. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone in this.
Sometimes, I think it just helps to know we aren't alone!
Kerry~ We were definitely separated at birth! I have been there so many times. It's depressing sometimes and makes me wonder why I try so hard! Oh, and crumbs multiply when you aren't looking. I swear it!
I totally agree with you and the other commenters. It never ends!! However, I think the guilt comes from the fact that we know we are lucky and do not have to go to work so we feel we need to "prove" ourselves, even if noone else cares.
Great universal post!!!
Stacey the guilt gets you if you are a mom worth her salt... whether you SAHM, WAHM, or WOTH!
I feel the same way... all the time. It is a balance. All I can say is, gratitude every day I am able to witness milestones instead of STRANGERS... that the DH can support us and still has a job, so that I can stay home...
I am not slamming on WOTH moms. At all. My mom was one by necessity, being a single mom. We were latchkey kids and turned out ok. Women today must work b/c of the cost of living...
hugs hun!
I cleaned today but won't do laundry nor steam clean the floor as planned. I don't care. It will get done sometime this week!
I had one of those days today too. I'm not sure why it is we feel we have to do it all. Your post makes me remember that we dont.
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