Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Melancholy

I had a perfectly acceptable day yesterday. I cleaned, dusted, mopped and vacuumed. I washed 4 loads of laundry. I even had time to start reading the new Stephanie Meyer book. With the exception of Katherine and Michael forgetting how to go play, some tantrums from Odessa, and short naps when she needed long ones, I had a pretty good day. So when I went to go pick Andrew up from football, the melancholy that settled over me was not at all expected. I sat watching his football practice with Odessa climbing all over me, and looked around at the other mothers there. I felt a bit like a ragamuffin, with my hair in a ponytail, my eye makeup mostly worn off, making me look tired, and boogers smeared on my shoulders. The ladies were all well-groomed, hair in place, fashionable clothes, neat manicures, sitting around planning all of the wonderful things they were going to do for our boys. It didn't help that when we arrived, one mother made the ever-so-lovely "wow, you've got five kids" statement. I know on every level that I shouldn't compare myself, and my turn will come not to be booger smeared. But there seems to be something about us women that causes us to look at others and compare ourselves. Now who knows if those beautiful, well put-together women are actually happy. But somehow, my desire to be completly worldly sometimes overtakes what I know about my life. My life is great! I have wonderful, smart children. And I wouldn't trade a one of them for a manicure. (Ok, sometimes I would trade one of them for a manicure!) So today, I am going to remember what I have, and I'll probably do my hair, just to make myself feel better, and remember that what I have is great!

2 comments:

lori said...

Everything you said is so so true. I think comparing yourself to other mothers is one of the hardest things not to do. If it makes you feel better, I have actually had the same thoughts about you many times. I come over to your house and it is clean and you look so cute. You wear your hair down way more than I do, and I always think to myself, I only have two kids and she has five, how does she do it. So now you know someone looks up to you just like you look up to those other mothers!

runningmom said...

Dittos Lori!

I think you do a fabulous job! And you are a great mom!

Just the other day at DS' first soccer practice I was feeling extremely yucky too! Then again, I was the only one chasing 2 little girls. No one else even had a single extra kid! And yes, they looked perfect! But I wouldn't trade the laughs I get from my kids any day. And while sometimes you say you would--I know you would NEVER ever do that. You love your kids so much. You are so lucky to have 5 amazing kids!