Monday, March 23, 2009

How to get children ready for school

1. Wake children up early enough so they have time to dink, dawdle, throw tantrums, cry, fight, dink some more and still get to the bus stop on time.
2. Serve a nutritious breakfast consisting of cold cereal. Ignore all whines about the lack of choice even though you know there are five different choices in the cupboard and three more in the basement.
3. Repeat the following phrase ad nauseum: "Eat your breakfast."
4. On bad mornings, prevent World War III by separating the offending parties. Namely, Andrew and Lillie.
5. After twenty minutes of breakfast eating, make children go get dressed whether they are done eating or not. A certain child could sit and eat breakfast all day if you let him. (*cough* Michael *cough*)
6. Endure the much noise involved with three children pushing, fighting, and annoying one another in the bathroom. On a bad morning, go play referee, once again avoiding World War III.
7. Torture all children by making them let you do their hair and insist they brush their teeth.
8. If much dinking is occuring, give the five minute warning and let them know they will go to school in whatever state they are in if they don't hustle.
9. Send children to get socks, shoes, backpacks and homework. (And yes you have to wear socks Lillie!)
10. Gather children for family prayer and send up much thanks for surviving another morning.
11. Watch as children race to be first out the door, pushing, shoving and screaming as they vie for position and wonder to yourself what you did wrong that they think everything is a competition, including who gets out the door first.
12. Breathe a sigh of relief and go watch Dora with the little kids.

No comments: