1.Do not let child open soup can retardedly on first day of school, slicing pinkie open and requiring three stitches. Not cool. (The child in question was Andrew.)
2.Pepsi and Rob Thomas make most things better. At least temporarily.
3.Learn to have sympathy for child who uses pretend money wrong and buys wrong thing on dumb game.
4.Feed the baby.
5.When the ten year old ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
6.When you fix the radio in your van you are aloud to holler loudly, "Who's your Daddy?". It's your God-given right.
7.Paying bills allows you to treat yourself to artery clogging fast-food for lunch.
8.Children claiming new socks are not theirs may require commitment to mental facility. Resort to note number 2 first.
9.Children will go to school naked if you don't do the laundry.
10.Prepare better for next year's writing marathon on the first day of school. All those papers take a good hour or two to fill out. Start practicing now. Oh wait, you already did that today.
11.Don't look at your desk. You'll just be blinded by the mess. And if you clean it off, it will merely re-accumulate. It's like making your bed. What's the point, you will just get back in it in a few hours.
12.When on the phone making important phone call, ply two year old with any and all junk food she wants. You can deal with the tantrum later as long as she shuts-up for the time being. She's not a stupid two-year old. I'll give her that.
And thus concludes lessons learned today. Refer to notes often so as to not repeat any of the mistakes made today. The end.
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