Sunday, September 20, 2009

The Epic Saga of the Clean Bathroom

I cleaned the bathroom on the main floor. It was grotesque. But for five wonderful minutes it was a thing of beauty. Here is it's story:

I am the bathroom and I am clean. My owner finally took pity on me and made me all nice and shiny. I am relaxing and enjoying my new state of being.

Oh no. A little person. Be careful young one. No! Not the soap. I am now watching as soap is being squirted out by the handfuls all over my lovely white counter tops. It's ok, I tell myself. It's just soap. Oh, small child, can't you hang up the towel just once?

I watch the small child exit. I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I can live with a little soap on the countertop.

Two minutes later a slightly bigger child enters. Oh no. What is that I see on your fingers? No, not dirt!! Ok. It will be ok. I watch as child attempts to wash his hands. Oh shoot. Dirt all over the counter and water spalshes on my pristine mirror. Child chucks towel onto the soapy mess and leaves.

I breathe. It's still not as bad as it was. I can still enjoy my cleanliness to a point. I relax again and cross my fingers. But no, mere seconds later the smallest child enters to play with her potty. I do not understand this. My owner seems content to let her fool around, yet not actually potty train this child. Oh, cool, she's leaving.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Oh no. There's a herd of children waiting in line. This is never good. I'm going to hold my breath, close my eyes and assess the damage after they are all done.

The damage: Pee on the floor, bits of toilet paper in the trash and next to the toilet, water soap and dirt all over the counter. The towel resides on the floor now.

I am the bathroom and I was clean...for five minutes.

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