The multi-child discount

After putting it off as long as legally possible, I finally made it to the court to take care of my lovely ticket. I have survived the ordeal of renewing my expired license. Odessa screamed most of the time we were at the DMV. They didn't make me retake the test, I think out of fear of their own sanity since my children were being so cooperative that day. In order to do traffic school so that the ticket doesn't go on my record, I had to go in person to see the judge. So I planned it at a time that I had the least amount of children, which sadly, is still two. But it's better than all five! We finally get into the court room and I go to sit down. Odessa immediately screams, so I stand back up and tell Katherine to sit down. Her idea of sitting consisted of climbing across a row of chairs multiple times. I stayed in the back, but Katherine noticed the thermostat on the wall behind the chairs. She eyed it the entire time, and I'd like to say she never touched it, but if it gets really cold in the courtroom later today, it's probably her fault! So after about fifteen minutes of quiet bribes, letting Odessa chew on my keys and anything else I could think of to keep them quiet, the judge finally called me up. I pled guilty and the judge took pity on me and gave me the "multi-child discount" which amounted to about $50 off my ticket. I have to do traffic school, but it's online. Yay for small things! I paid my fine and breathed a sigh of relief as we left. But let me tell you, I was sweating like I'd been running a mile! Keeping kids quiet for any period of time is quite the task! But we've survived and I've learned my lesson! And if somebody in front of you is going ridiculously slow, it's probably because they've recently been reprimanded by the law!

That's my mother!

Every year, the chilren learn a cursory song to sing in church for Mother's Day. This year the song is "That's my mother." It's one of those catchy, slightly annoying songs they teach kids. And seeing as how I am now teaching the 11 year olds, I get to learn all the songs too. The lyrics go something like this:

Busy as a bumblebee (No problem, I am pretty busy)
That's my mother
Always cleaning after me (True true)
That's my mother
Driving all around the town (Yup, I also do a lot of that)
Helps me write my homework down (Not so much, but I get the idea.)
Hugs me when I have a frown (Most of the time, unless the child is just being a stink.)
That's my mother (Ok, we are good so far. Although, the tune is annoying and very memorable. I suppose that's the point. On to the second verse.)

Baking bread the whole day long (Ok, who is this woman?)
That's my mother
And she's hardly ever wrong (I can get on board with that!)
That's my mother
(I draw a blank here. I think I blacked out after hearing that line about baking bread!)
It's for her I sing this song
That's my mother (Awww thanks, but really, just clean up after yourselves. That's way more of a present than this annoying song that I am going to have stuck in my head for the next three days.)

I'm not a big fan of this lovely Mother's Day anthem. But I know what to expect on Mother's Day. A cheesy song that my kids will, for the most part, get up, stare into the audience and not sing to me. That's ok. I'll smile and think how cute they are anyway. So after church yesterday, I couldn't get it out of my head and I started making up lyrics. This is dangerous territory! My children and husband hopped on board and came up with this.

Lazy as an Elephant
That's my mother
Eating bon bons all day long
That's my mother
Making me do chores all day
And she's almost always wrong
It's for her I sing this song
That's my mother!

Awww, now there's honesty!

Sick baby

Sick baby makes for a mom who can't get a whole lot done. Hence the serious lack of posting on my part. She has had a nasty cold and a stomache virus and we are on the road to recovery! Finally! She is still in the fussy, hold me all day, phase of illness. But each day she is spending a little more time playing and a little less time fussing. I miss my sweet, easy-going baby and I hope to have her back soon. Not to mention the serious lack of excercise that has gone on due to my inability to take her to the gym daycare! Oh and here she is crying in my lap!! The joys of motherhood are many! Aren't they?

A million things to do

And not nearly enough time to do it all. Some days I wish I could go back to being a kid when my biggest concern was how to not be bored. I wish I had had more wisdom in my youth and not wished it away thinking adulthood was so cool. There are many things about being an adult that are great and there are parts of my childhood I wouldn't want to do again. I wouldn't mind the perks of adulthood minus the responsibility. This week I have a ton on my 'To Do' list. Things I'd really rather not do. (Some of which include taking care of that lovely ticket I got last week.) There's going to be a lot of gritting my teeth and bearing it! That's just life. Of course, if I'd quit dinking around on the computer and stop sitting around watching soap opera's and eating bon bons, I'd probably get more done! (That's the joke around here when I've had a busy day!) It's off to the trenches for me!

You can pick your nose, but don't shove stuff up it!

Yup. We got to go have a bead removed from Katherine's nostril last night. What a way to top off the day. About 8:30 I noticed that she had been walking around blowing her nose for quite a while. I asked her if she needed help. She said, "It stuck." I thought she meant the boogers were stuck. After helping her blow her nose, she says, "No mom, it got stuck in there." I asked her what got stuck to which she replied, "I don't know." We got out the flashlight and sure enough there was something stuck up her nose. It was too far up for me to reasonably pull it out, so we got to go to the InstaCare. Fun stuff! It took the doctor, a nurse and me holding her down, and really long tweezers, to pull it out. And sure enough, out comes a white bead. I'm hopeful that she's learned her lesson and won't be sticking anything else up her nose anytime soon!

Distracted driving

"Do you know why I pulled you over ma'am?"

"No, sir. Not really." Unless seriously considering leaving my three year old on the side of the road counts.

"Well, I clocked you going 53 back there."

Crap. "Your licence and registration please." Crap again. Registration expired last month. I start digging through the piles o' crap in the van to locate my insurance card and my driver's license.

"Is this your current address on your license?" Nope.

"I'll be back in a minute." Crap.

So I was going 53 in a 35, which is a construction zone. I wasn't on my cell phone, I wasn't applying lipstick or anything stupid. I was arguing with my three year old. Nice, huh? I really didn't know I was speeding. I was just tooting along, trying to convince Katherine to just chill out until we get home. Oh, and the baby was screaming. Yeah, I was a distracted driver. So sue me. What I really need is one of those glass screens cops have in their cars. Only I need mine sound proof. Then the chaos can exist in the back without my knowledge. How blissful would that be?

Mr. Officer returns with a ticket for speeding, but he gave me a break and didn't cite me for speeding in the construction zone, expired license (I had no idea it expired), and a warning on my expired registration. Not a great day to get pulled over! Not that there's ever a great day. But I say if they pass legislation against talking on cell phones while driving, then they should pass legislation against driving with children! They are more of a distraction than my stupid cell phone!

Poor kitty

We have two cats that are loved nearly to death by my children. One is a big fat cat named Don Juan. (Not my doing. We adopted him and that is the name he came with!) And a small she cat named Winter. Oh, how my children love those cats. Don Juan is extremely gentle and will let the baby crawl on him, pull his tail and chew on it a little. Winter is a tad more skittish. But I can't blame the poor girl. She gets drug around the house by all of the kids. She gets stuck in boxes and pillow cases. They build forts for her and force her in. One day I caught the kids trying to shove her through a hole in the back of the rocking chair. Poor kitty! Katherine can even pick her up and drag her around. I think Don Juan got fat out of self defense. The kids can't pick him up.

After having many pets, I've decided that cats are just right for me. They require relatively little maintenance. They are potty trained. You can leave them alone when you go on vacation. And you can pick them up. Of course there are always cons, but as far as having pets, cats are just right for me. We tried a dog, too much work. Birds were too messy, they flew home to their moms and dads midwinter. (Not really, but that's what I told the kids.) Fish, well, I hated cleaning out the stupid tank once a week.

I'm not sure what would entertain the kids if we didn't have cats. They spend half their time chasing, catching and tormenting the poor things. Luckily I have very docile cats that allow the children to 'love' them all they want. Although, I do have to put my foot down on some of their escapades. Poor kitties!!!

Mean old mom

Mean old mom makes me get dressed every day and comb my hair. Mean old mom makes me clean my room and fold my clothes. If I make a mess, mean old mom makes me clean it up. Mean old mom makes me practice the piano and do my homework. Mean old mom makes me be nice to my siblings and give toys back that I took away. Mean old mom makes me eat my vegetables. Mean old mom makes me go play outside. (Can you imagine that?) Mean old mom makes me brush and floss my teeth. Mean old mom makes me entertain myself.

But I guess mean old mom isn't too mean. She does let me play my video games and watch TV. Of course, that's only after she makes me do all that other stuff. But mean old mom makes me popcorn while I watch my movie. She hugs me when I get hurt and lets me make brownies. She takes me fun places, even though I sometimes say it's boring. (I hope she didn't catch me having a good time.) Mean old mom gives me lots of great presents for my birthday and for Christmas. She always buys my favorite cereals for breakfast and she did make my favorite meal last week. So maybe mean old mom isn't really that mean. Maybe she's really nice. I just can't let her in on that or she might try to be meaner. Mean old Mom!!!

The art of sitting still

Sitting still is not something you do much of when you have small children. Sometimes I miss the ability, or even the opportunity, to sit still. I'm not even sure I would know how to do it if given the opportunity. On the rare occasion that I could actually sit still, I find myself fidgeting and looking around for something to do. Maybe this is how children feel when we require them to sit still and be quiet. It's a near impossibility. Even a child sitting still wiggles and squirms about. And the most quiet child is constantly whispering or finding some way to make noise. It's really amazing that we grow up with any ability to actually sit still. Perhaps that's why we have children. I find that my children can't sit still while doing homework, or even eating. Andrew is usually half on, half off his chair. Michael is running circles or climbing in between whatever activity might require stillness on his part. And the other children are about the same. Just constant motion, and noise. Most of the time I don't really notice it. It's just a part of having children, but sometimes, like today, I miss being able to just sit still!

Daddy therapy

Sometimes a little Daddy is all the kids need. The last couple of days have been Daddy days. Dad has been able to be home a little more and even skipped out on work for a couple hours yesterday afternoon to come hang out with us. It was so relaxing. The kids were chanting "Dad, some see this, Dad look at this, Dad, Dad, Dad" and I just sat back and watched. It was so nice not to hear "Mom" for a little while. The baby gleefully sat on Dad's shoulders, squealing and happy with the world. A mere hour before, the children were cranky and fighting, but it seemed that Daddy made it all better. Things like this are why 'they' proclaim how important it is to have a Dad available in the family. That and the mother's sanity! We all came away from Daddy time feeling better, feeling more relaxed and loving each other a little more! Yay for Daddy!

April Fool's Day

Andrew has caught the vision of April Fool's Day. Yesterday I woke up to a big, ugly, fake spider on my clock. I came downstairs and the beanbag was in the kitchen. He asked me to make him eggs for breakfast and when I opened the eggs I saw that he had replaced three of them with plastic easter eggs. Very clever. Now he needs to learn the art of surprise. He wanted to make sure he woke up before me, but he didn't know how to set his alarm so he had to ask me to do it. So I set it for him, amongst many questions of why in the world he wanted to get up that early when he didn't have school. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn't figure out what. I was impressed by the spider on my clock because I woke up when he got up. But I must have drifted off and he must have been super quiet because I didn't hear him put the spider on my clock! I'm sure his ideas will become much more elaborate the older he gets! I'm sure I'm in for it one of these years!