Tuesday, February 3, 2009

How to Wrestle an Alligator

I've never wrestled an actual alligator, but I dare an alligator wrestler to dress a toddler that does not want to be dressed and compare the two. My guess is, the toddler wins.

So here's instructions on how to dress/wrestle your alligator/toddler.

First, locate toddler and direct toddler to the area used for dressing. This can be done in one of two ways. Either by carrying screaming, limp child to designated area, or, if child is more cooperative, by herding child. Odessa tends to opt for the screaming, limp mode of transportation.

Once you have seated yourself and your toddler on the floor, the fun begins. If you are not quick enough you will get to play the 'catch me if you can' game. This game consists of toddler running away and staying far enough away from you that you can't reach her. At this point, you have a couple of options. One is to get up, chase toddler down and return to the point of origin. In my current state, this is a last resort as getting up and down from the floor tends to be a bit difficult. Your other option is to coerce child to return to you through some sort of bribery. Wet wipes often do the trick for Odessa. I have also resorted to having an older child drag her back doing the screaming, limp carry. That's always fun.

Once you have toddler in your control, do not, I repeat DO NOT, let them go. Otherwise, you'll be starting all over.

Now for the diaper change. If toddler is unwilling to lie still, then you'll get to watch whilst they scream and contort themselves in an attempt to get away. You can either hold onto their leg and hope it stops quickly or do the feet in the armpit trick. This is where you pin their arms down by sticking your feet in their armpits whilst quickly changing the diaper. There's a lot of screaming involved, but I always feel a sense of triumph when I've completed the diaper change.

If toddler has not succumbed to the idea that getting dressed WILL happen, then you will have the pleasure of wrestling their current set of clothes off them, and attempting to put on the new set of clothing. All the while, toddler is screaming, contorting and or attempting the limp body move in an attempt to avoid getting dressed.

Once you have succeeded and toddler runs away, take a deep breath, do some yoga and hope they don't get dirty or need a diaper change any time soon. Then say to yourself, "Take that, alligator!! Mom always wins!!"

1 comment:

Jana said...

Stacey...you crack me up! Perfect!!!