Stupid customer non-service representatives!

You really shouldn't ask a pregnant lady to discuss matters of importance with the morons in the various "customer service" departments. It's just not nice! Unfortunately, the last two days has required this particular chore. It hasn't been pretty!

The first phone call seemed simple enough. Contact mortgage company to acquire a fax number. Easy peasy! Right? Wrong! The first number I called was the pay-by-phone number and fully automated. Obviously wrong. So I searched high and low for another phone number, and after looking over a few statements, found one. So I dial, listen to the twelve menus, make my choices and am finally put on hold to wait for a representative. I'm not expecting a short wait, mind you, because that would be too convenient. So I put myself on speaker and go about my life. Well, it replays the message a few times, then begins to ring. I think to myself, Wow, today is my lucky day! Then I hear the menu for the pay-by-phone number, which is all automated, that I had previously called. Now that is just irritating! So I hang up, thinking perhaps I got transferred wrongly. I try again. Same thing. Then I curse and I try again. By the third time, I could barely see straight and I decided it wasn't worth the effort. So I spend the next twenty minutes scouring all my paper work and FINALLY come up with a fax number. Stupid automated menu nonsense!!

My next adventure in customer non-service requires me to speak to a company supposedly located in California. Supposedly being the key word. Now the company may be located in California, but the call center either isn't or employs barely English-speaking morons who are provided with the sole purpose of driving one insane! When I get my barely English-speaking friend on the phone, I knew I was in trouble! After attempting to communicate for a few minutes, said non-service representative gets pushy. WARNING: DO NOT GET PUSHY WITH PREGNANT LADY! IT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH! So I not-so-politely informed him that I would discuss the matter with my spouse (silly me) and hung up. Of course this was only after he scoffed at the fact that spouses would actually discuss important decisions! Idiot!

Now by the third phone call, I should have known that it would just be infuriating. But silly, naieve me figured it would be a simple matter to pay my bill. The one time I want a stupid automated system so I can just pay my bill, I get a stupid customer non-service representative. My name is not on the bill, which is apparently a sin. My new friend informed me that she couldn't tell me the balance, and I couldn't find my bill, so I didn't know. So I had to keep throwing numbers out there and ask if I was close. How stupid is that? And since I'm not on the bill and not authorized, even though I was willingly giving them money, I was not allowed to know the actual amount. I nearly tore my hair out! I did finally come up with a number that was apparently in the ballpark and gave said moron money.

The moral of the story is that if you are hormonal, pregnant or just a person, be prepared for the infuriating experience that comes if you EVER have to call customer non-service! I'm talking pull-your-hair out crazy!